Where did you get a picture of my penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
