I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
