guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
