What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
