i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
