ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
