bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
