i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
