My Higher Power is John Stamos
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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