I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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