Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
