Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
