My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
