Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
