fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
