when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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