Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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