i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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