wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
