I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So vagazzling was a success
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
