This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we're making bets on your personal life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
