Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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