my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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