my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
