playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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