im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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