Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
