you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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