I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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