new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
