Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize