whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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