Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
