the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
