i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
