he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
