He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
