And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
