I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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