Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
