if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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