he thought i was a dude.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I smell like Dick and happiness
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
