...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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