Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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