I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
