we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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