I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
