i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
