The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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