While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
