is wine microwaveable?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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