I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
