I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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