I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
