What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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