Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
