Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to calm my uterus...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
